Monday, December 29, 2008

The carnivores

Dad took me to the meat market for a bit of Christmas shopping. We headed past the fish vendors and stopped at the stall selling mutton.

There were three headless carcasses hanging from their hooks, cleaned and ready for the pot. Dad pointed out the piece he wanted and explained how I ought to buy meat. “Look for this… This is how it shouldn’t be… If it’s this colour, the meat is old,” bla bla bla. While the man chopped up our meat into the size required, my eyes roved around. I couldn’t see too far over the counter without my head touching the meat, so I peered as much as I could. I saw three goats squashed in a corner, waiting to be slaughtered. They looked frightened, and I’m still glad we didn’t buy any of them. One of the two men in the stall was cleaning a fresh carcass. I couldn’t see the carcass, but I tried identifying what he was cleaning. It looked to me like the intestines were being washed and what came out of it wasn’t a very pretty sight.

They were chatting animatedly, the two men behind the counter - one chopping meat, the other cleaning the carcass. I turned to my right. Two goat heads stared at me mid-air. I looked to my left. There on the floor outside the next stall were three heads. The unseeing eyes stared right back, their bodies now on a hook or on someone’s plate. “They eat everything,” dad had said, when I asked about the intestines.

What about the men who killed for a living? How did it feel? Was it something they were forced to do, or did they choose the occupation? Was it a family business? Blood-covered hands and feet, lives passing through your hands every day, people bargaining for lifeless bodies, the aim of the game to break the toughest bone, to be desensitized to blood all day… How different is it from the man in the meat market, standing in his dirty slippers and chopping meat with his hands, reeking of a fresh kill all day every day to the man in the supermarket with his buttoned-up shirt daubed in cologne selling meat cubes in small packets? It’s the same meat, the same end, the same beginning. But it’s a different price. For everyone.

For a second, I could imagine why some people turned vegetarian and those who’ve always been so aren’t ready to try meat. In the helter skelter of world business, not much thought goes to those most affected, the lowest rung of society. It’s a squeeze-the-most-of-the-lemon business. And it forces you to turn a blind eye to everything else. But what binds the vegetarians and non-vegetarians in a blood-thirsty fight is the greedy hunger for money that surpasses all culinary or spiritual divides. It doesn’t matter that my local farmer dies a slow death because the middle man pays him two bucks for what I pay the supermarket 16 green ones. I couldn’t care that my world is falling into environmental extinction because I’m too lazy to get a pollution check done. How does it matter that I take my vehicle to the nearby store because I can’t be seen walking? My status is everything. I don’t give a damn that the leper outside my door is dying from starvation more than sickness because I’m too busy making millions. My diamonds, my cash, my jewellery, my cars, my clothes, my furs, my extravagant soirees, and posh vacations are more important than anything else. It doesn’t strike me that my delectable mutton korma garnished with fresh herbs spilled blood on a dirty knife held by an innocent man. The guilt hangs over my head, not his.

Four eyes from two hanging heads almost laughed back. Where the greedy go, there is no salvation. I had learnt my Christmas message from two heads of meat.

Dad paid the man for two kilos of mutton and some chops. We headed down to the fish market and whetted our carnivorous desires. As we headed out of the market, I glanced at the mutton stall again. There were now three heads hanging from the hooks, and the man who spilled the blood suddenly looked very clean to me.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Christmas carol

I received two CDs in the mail the other day. One said - Christmas Classics, Various Artists.

It slid smoothly into the player and the familiar sounds of Christmas jingled through the room. I was alone, the walls were bare, the temperature soaring and the refridgerator empty. My walk in the evening the previous day was just as sombre - no lights, no stars, no cribs. It's nearly December 15, and time for that Christmas feeling. That tingly, goosebumpy feeling you get when you want to love everyone and wish them a 'Merry Christmas'. That heart-tightening emotion when you give to someone needy and see a different kind of joy on their faces. That happy new-curtains-and-cushion-covers, family time feeling that you wish you felt all year through.

I could see Frosty running by the traffic cop across the streets with the Jackson 5. I wanted to get up and paint Christmas trees on the walls, make baubles and hang mistletoe and holly from the door-posts and imagine the fridge full of Christmas goodies. There was a longing urge to wrap presents and scribble 'Love, Santa' on handmade cards.

I sat on the floor, closed my eyes and sang out loud to every song I knew. I've never seen fire in a hearth or smelled acorns popping. I've never seen snow or reindeer, or eaten turkey for Christmas dinner. But I imagined it all - the sound of crackling fire, the pop of acorns, the taste of turkey, a belled reindeer and the cuddly warmth of a Christmas hug right after freezing your fingers off while building the snowman.

On my errand that evening, I was fuelled back into a world without stars and trees and cribs. It was a cold world, so 'unChristmasy', and unfestive, an every day world of pollution and chaos. I turned down a back road to avoid getting run over by office-goers. And there through Metallica from my earphones I heard 'Feliz Navidad'. A group of carollers were carolling in a house garden. Passers-by stared as I peeped through the fencing like a street urchin at the store window. The words flew from my mouth and soon I was singing with gusto.

They didn't hear me, they didn't ask me to join in and then come in for a cup of tea. But as I left, hearing the strains fade away with wind, my step was lighter and my mind happier. I couldn't wish for a better time, a time of advent, the Christ-child was coming and we would be together as a family for the best time of the year.

So I'm singing, "I'll be home for Christmas"...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

What not to do at the Mysore Dasara

Dripping wet with sweat, sweet sugarcane juice on your tongue and the throng of thousands all around. The Mysore Dasara isn’t just a parade of elephants and the Chamundeshwari goddess. It’s a show of cultural splendour, and to be bang in the center of it all is something you wouldn’t want to miss.
People from across the country come in droves to be a part of the festivities and to witness the famous jumbo savari. It’s a time to knock shoulders with your country brethren and feel the spirit of Dasara.

Still, to be a part of this joyous occasion, there are some things you really mustn't do.

Booking: Don't ever be the last to book, either your tickets or your hotel room. There's no way you want to land up in Mysore without a place to stay. People book well in advance, so if you want to get a good hotel room, call in early. You might even get a bargain.

Try too hard: Don't bother with tickets for the street parade. Just go early and plant yourself at a good spot on the sidewalk. Carry a bottle of water and munchies and you're geared up for the 2 hour walk-by. The parade has bits of many things - from folk musicians and dancers in their colourful costumes drumming their hearts out with every beat, to floats with social messages.
Acrobats performing the peculiar kannadiga routine of dancing with a masthead on their heads and climbing a tall ladder without dropping it. Your mouth will drop at the sight of the royal elephants bearing the Mayor and the Devi, draped in kingly purple robes and adorned with colourful patterns. It's a great time for the army too. Latest defence weaponry and proud men sit astride their tanks soaking in well-deserved glory.

Pack too much in one bag: Security is tight at the torchlight parade, so to avoid getting frisked everytime a copper spots you, don't put too much in your back-pack. Just throw in a sweatshirt (the nights could get chilly), something to munch on, a bottle of water and your tickets. It's all we needed to enjoy the nerve-wracking daredevil display. They were truly amazing.

The palace: Whatever you do, don't miss the palace - the one thing you go to Mysore for. It's a creamy melange of royal purple and rich off-white. The Islamic touch to the architecture is accentuated by the domes, cherry-like on butterscotch towers. And later at dusk when the lights come on, it's a gem with a million facets each twinkling in golden splendour. You can't stop looking at it.

Trust people: As much as you'd like to believe in the goodness of all humanity, don't. People aren't as they used to be in 'the good ole days'. Unless travelling penniless and singing for your dinner are your ways to enjoy the Dussehra, hold on to your wallets. Your vacation really does depend on it.
Rickshawwallas in Mysore don't seem to understand the meter system either. They will charge you a ridiculous amount for a very short distance. I suppose a bit of haggling will be in order.

Public transport: Chuck the rickshaws and the horse-cart and jump onto a public bus. Conductors roam the bus-station selling daily passes. For Rs 30, it's not a bad idea to travel where you want, when you want. The government made it cheap to travel in comfort with a Rs 10 to anywhere by Volvo for the nine festival days. Bus conductors and passengers are very willing to tell you where your stop is if you make a sufficiently confused-tourist face.

Food: You shouldn't roam the whole of Mysore looking for posh places to eat. The idli-vada at the inter-city bus station is soft, white and perfect. Have it steaming hot with sambar, chutney and very sweet coffee at the self-service restaurant. Their dosas aren't that bad either. If you insist on high-street meals, try Hotel Parklane and the rooftop restaurant next to it. I couldn't vouch for them, though. I had no money to try them out. Most of these restaurants are within walking distance from the palace, spotting the area around the clock tower.
You can't leave Mysore without gorging on Hotel RRR biryani. They serve meals there too, but judging by the number of people with biryani on their banana leaves, there's certainly something to it. There's a waiting list, but don't worry. Sit where you find place. So what if you're sharing the table with a family from half-way across India? That's the fun. You can see what they're eating (out the corner of your eye, of course), and eavesdrop on their conversation (if you understand the language). Partake in their Dussehra dinner!

Go only for Dussehra: No, there's more to see than the parade and the palace. Spend sometime with the wild at the zoo. They've got the only gorilla in the country (so says the signpost) and the chimp will entertain you with his antics. You might be lucky to witness the peacock boast his beauty in the pen, or the free bird fly into a tree nearby. Loads of visitors ignore the signs, but do point out the 'Do not tease or feed the animals' board to them. It's time we learned to grow up.
Chamundi Hills is another place you should visit, with its temple and famed sunset sights. Romantic, you think?
Despite being a little way off from the city, Vrindavan Gardens is something you cannot miss. It's clean, for one. And when the lights come on at 7pm, they light up the reds and greens, yellows, and blues and purples while the sound of gushing fountain water simply adds to that breathtaking feeling. Loads of stalls sell what-nots, and you'll get a decent fruit salad and boiled egg. Avoid the fried fish, though. It's dripping oil.
Top off your trip with some quiet time at St Philomena's church. It isn't old. But it's majestic, defined by tall spires in brown stone styled with strong Gothic influence and a make-shift catacomb tomb housing a relic of the saint. Names of the faithful are inscribed along the walls of the catacomb in black stone.

So when you've had your fill of quiet spirituality and overwhelming devotion, colourful Yakshagana troupes and mighty royal elephants, gardens, hills and food, you will know it is time to leave. Only to come back again, next year.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I love the sound of home

I waited days for it. And still couldn't believe it was coming. Dad kept sending messages - docket number so-and-so, dated so-and-so, weight so-and-so - and a litany of instructions on connections and the mysteries of electronic equipment.

Yet, on the 28th, I went to the ATM and withdrew some money. And waited on the edge of my seat on the 29th, subbing stories mechanically till the call from security came in. Three parcels, 21 kgs in all. I couldn't wait to rip them open and set it up. And when Vikas, Namitha and I carried them home, thoughts ran through - 'If anything's wrong with it, I'll never forgive myself for letting it lie with security for so long'.

Smooth, black and shiny. Amp, speaker, speaker. Wires. I'm challenged here with no idea what goes where. I've carried dad's little instruction sheet with me. Despite the funny names and elaborate explanation, I still had to call him at least 5 times before anything looked remotely connected. I had to wait hours before I could hear anything. We went shopping for the missing cable, Vikas and I.

In the auto, I cried a little. For dad to send a custom-built XX grand music system just so I could listen to good music, something had to be wrong somewhere. Or right. Maybe the fact that it cost more than I earn made it look so sanctified. How was I going to repay him, not in cash, but in a way he felt what he did was amazing? Yes, I would listen to music everyday; I did that at home and I love doing it. I will keep it clean and safe; and I am, if not completely, but just a little possessive about it. That doesn't seem enough. How do I do enough to mean "Thanks. I love you"?

I came home after dance class that day, plugged in my player and listened. It doesn't matter what I listened to, but I do remember Metallica, Elton John, and Eric Clapton (not in that order). I sat on the floor near the shoes, in the heat because our hall has no fan, hugged my knees because I missed my home. And then I closed my eyes and heard the same sounds I hear at home, the same timbre and volume, depth and quality I live with at home. I realized I wasn't too far away.

My family sent me something that can bring me home in a flick of a switch. I couldn't ask for anything more. Not now, not ever. Thank you, daddy!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Untitled

Sunny smiles and coffee cups
Purple wild flowers along winding roads
Hot pakoras with steaming tea
And a practising mouth organ from an inner room

Flip flops and shorts cursing the muck
Wet faces in raincoat hoods drinking
Tear drops from trees
While we help to make the evening meal,
A sing-along in raucous chorus

Grandpa's chair lies empty in the balcao
No one can take his place
We remember, never miss
Futile attempt: bringing back the dead
The laughter shows they never were

Feni? Of course. One kop will do you good
Fresh stock vs seasoned smells
The debate goes on
Just like the one about politicians
Badkars and mundkars

Of green fields and open spaces
Tree-lined roads and happy faces
A reminiscent trip into the past
The circle of life; an abyssmal fate
Once again, it's far too late.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Being deep

A silent self-loathing
A love-hate relationship with myself
A testing of new waters
A hope of new endeavours
This is (selfishly) about me.

My life, my hurt
My pain and my joy
An umbilical chord with my family
Parents I warred against
A brother I want to die for.

An obsessive desire for independence
An ache for 'true' liberty
Swallowed by dreams for a homeland dispossessed
Her rape is mine
Of sun, sand and sea.

Shut the Pandora's Box of life
There are others worse of than me.
Surface the quiet desire to be hurt far, far more
To render me strong
And unyielding.

Monday, July 28, 2008

A surprise visit

This is a funny place for a restaurant. Oh well, Mangalore's a quaint place anyway. Upstairs.


Huh?!? No way. I'm not going to the doctor. That's ridiculous. One silly cold that refuses to part with me and you behave like I'm dying? You can't do this to me. Why didn't you tell me; I could have at least prepared myself - the wait outside, the sick, the questions, plastic smile, thanks a lot doc.


Fine. I'll shut up. Won't talk. Ever. Half-wet from the rain. Probably get a cold for this and nothing else. What about dinner, huh? Bare feet on cold tiles. I'm not used to that anymore. Yea, yea, we can keep the raincoats anywhere. Not outside, you idiot! Under my chair.


There's that hospital smell again. Reminds me of grandpa's death. One day I see him, unable to talk, but still there, invincible. The spot of blood on the floor. Next day, he's gone. Just dead. Looked like he was sleeping. Except for the smell of phenol. And then Nan's operation. Different hospital. Same bloody smell. Fist-sized malignant tumour and 50% chance.


Annoying kid. Hospitals are meant to be quiet. Why are you looking at me like that? Freak, yea, I know. Most everyone thinks so anyway. Don't give a damn shit. Go play skipping tiles. Wish I was a kid again. No worries. I only ever come to the doctor with Mum. I never know what to tell a doctor. And anyway, Bhatkuly is a family doctor. Deep fatherly voice - "Hellooo0, Dielle isn't it?"


Mai-gaa-bla bla. Medicine names in Hindi. Weird. I wonder what he keeps in that fridge. Home pregnancy tests? I should ask him for one. Loudly. Just to see the reaction. When we went to buy one for her, the guy at Spencer's never flinched. Good. I like that. What's their problem what people do with their lives anyway.


Next, me? Finally. Hmph. Message. Jesh! He better get me in Battle of the Bands for free. I better delete all these old ones, and those phone numbers I don't need. I hate waiting at the doctor's. No ants to follow here either. Just great.


Arthritis? She's so young, what 45, and she's got arthritis. Shit! She better hurry up. I'm sick of waiting here.


Ha, good. "I suffer from a constant cold. I'd been to a homeopath and she told me I had sinusitis, but I never finished the treatment, so it's kinda stuck with me I guess.


"No, no. No fever. The whole sneezing fit I used to get in the mornings has gone too. Occasionally, yea, but otherwise I'm fine."


Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.


Same bloody shit. Sinusitus. Pharynx something. Mild inflammation of the left tonsil. Where the hell did those two come from? Whatever. Back in 7 days, a whole truck load of medecines to take.


"Not studying, I'm working. With P.... A.......... at Mphasis. Not Infosys. Mphasis. I work with a newswire agency." Or so, I like to call it.


Pink and white. White. Blue plastic. Syrup. Stop, enough. Morning, afternoon, night. Morning, night. Night. Forgotten already. S'okay. Wow. A whole month's 10 buck lunch. On pills. I feel like a junkie. Only there's no high.


I still owe him a cake and dinner. Even though he said it's cool. Poor guy. I really make him suffer. Thanks. I wish I could wipe that face off him. It's horrid when he puts it on. I don't like it when he's mad, or upset. I don't like it when anyone's mad or upset. What am I supposed to say? Sorry? It's been said so many times before. But I really do mean it.