Tuesday, July 8, 2008

In the depths...

Blank your mind out. Completely devoid of emotion. Think yourself friendless in a hostile world. Believe you can do nothing right, that anything you do is flawed. You are Flaw.

Dust the cobwebs from the corners of your memory. The past means nothing. Feel abandoned by your family and used by friends. Love is hopelessness; a complete and utter tragedy. Distance is perfect.

Refuse to cry. Think of a burial in an empty yard - a simple mound with a marble cross. No tears, no goodbyes, no rememberances. Discover how much it means to be spurned by all.

Remember the groups of laughing friends as you stood watching from the shadows. The pain at being the only one, the heartache of emotional failure. Surrender yourself to sorrow.

When you hate yourself this much, remember Sigmund Freud. There is the real self and the ideal self. Try as hard as you can to meet the ideal, even though you know it is impossible. If you think you can meet the ideal, make it impossible. Fight back from the depths despite the miserable knowledge that it is your fate. With the power of an Infinite Grace, defend your soul from the most cowardly notion - giving in. Paradoxically, succumb to a will to fight.

If you must go down, go down fighting. With all your heart, soul, mind and body.

10 comments:

Namitha said...

hehehe... Dielle, this reads like one of my journal entries. Completely agree...

Dielle said...

Really? What a coincidence!! lol

Sohini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sohini said...

Wow!! what a coincidence!! damn r u thinking the way i am........coz the way i am, its very funny.........its like nami n u r twins man.......is some weird way....somewhere u belonged to the same egg.........ages ago. he he..

Sohini said...

u sound depressed. u need to drink orange juice more often.

Namitha said...

hehe... Soho, I'd rather not be Dielle's long-lost twin...! I'm happy being alone... ;)

Dielle said...

Hey!!

Can I, like, be the only freak around, y'know?!?

Namitha said...

You're never alone, though you would wish to, though you'd believe so, though you'd want to... heheheheheh

Sohini said...

ahem ahem if not a twin then a lesbian....your choice.!


wow look at the number of comments u have ;)

Dielle said...

Neither, thanks.

I'm having the worst day today.